Apple Mac Diet

An informative look at recent Holistic Fitness News

DR KAPLAN'S WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

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So how is 'Detox 2003' going? Lost any weight yet? Back to your pre-Xmas weight yet? Wan't to know about the latest, must up-to-date trendiest diet of them all? Wait for it - It's called the 'Apple Mac diet'!

Now this caught my attention as my first five computers were Macintoshes. That was until I heard the joke about the time Steve Jobs had the following conversation with Bill Gates.

Steve Jobs: "Macs are better!"
Bill Gates: "It doesn't matter"

So now I'm a pc owner. But as I still have a mac, the 'Apple Mac diet' caught my attention! "I still have a macintosh; maybe that will give me an edge at losing some weight!" I thought. This is how the latest obesity-busting breakthrough purports to work.

It's all done on computer. They take a digital photograph of you (or preferably someone like Kate Winslet) and then they make that image 'lose weight'. This is done with cutting edge software of course. No need to starve models to death anymore. We have the technology to make people look like WE think they should look. The picture of Kate Winslet on the cover of GQ is a good example of this. Previously a defender of women who could be described as 'voluptuously curvaceous' Kate now appears to have conformed finally to the 'stick insect' look. But at least she didn't have to starve herself much! The computer lost the weight for her.

Apparently most of GQ's photographs of women have been doctored in this way. I'd find this funny if it were not tragic from a medical and ethical point of view. To starve yourself to look like a rake is bad for your body. To have your body and face airbrushed is dishonest unless you openly own up to it. Not that this nonsense is anything new. Getting a photograph to lie was invented by one J.Stalin. In a famous photograph of the founders of the Russian revolution, he physically tore Trotsky out of the picture and stuck the two halves together to produce a crude new photograph without the luckless Trotsky. (Things got worse for Trotsky when he was murdered by a hitman with an ice pick when in exile in Mexico. It's one thing to be removed from a photograph, quite another to be removed from the planet!) Anyway this is when tampering with photographs began and the term Stalinography was created.

So maybe in this New Digital World:

DON'T DIET: Take a picture of yourself with your mobile phone, airbrush yourself into a babe, a stick insect or a hunk and 'text' it to your friends abroad.

DON'T BRUSH OR FLOSS YOUR TEETH: All you need to do is 'photoshop' your teeth into gleaming whiteness. Believe me, it's a lot cheaper than visiting a dental hygienist!

DON'T EXERCISE: You only need one muscle, flexor carpi ulnaris, the muscle that operates the remote controls of everything, and I'm sure it's getting quite strong by now.

Not!

Yes, we members of the general public may not be very intelligent, but we are not that stupid. We are used to being lied to by politicians and journalists and now we are being lied to by photographers! And this particular dishonesty is very bad for our health and particularly bad for our children. Young girls used to starve themselves to try to look like models. Now they may be dieting in order to look like fake photographs of celebrities! Let's start a campaign for Honesty in Photography.

Homeopathic Tip of the Week

When you consult an homeopathic doctor, take a photograph of yourself (not a Stalinograph). It will act as a valuable aide memoire when he or she thinks about your case and what remedy to give you.

If you want to lose weight, this is my advice:

1. Get an objective assessment on whether you are fat or merely voluptuously curvaceous. Your own opinion is no good. Your body mass index (BMI) is reliable. So is your GP's opinion.
2. Eat healthy food and do NOT diet. Avoid diet books except anti-diet diet books like Dr Jepson's excellent Eat orgasmically and still lose weight. (This year's diet books are about as good as last year's diet books which are now out of fashion. Any diet loses weight - in the very short term only!)
3. Exercise regularly and walk as much as you can. Try The Bodydoctor Fitness DVD and Book
4. Love your body as it is now. You can prefer it thinner but you still have to love yourself as you are now. If you can't do this, a bit of counseling may do you more good than any diet.

Dr Kaplan's personal website is: www.drkaplan.co.uk and his practice website is www.140harleystreet.co.uk and he can be contacted on (020) 7487 3416